Me & Papa John
Where faith is there is courage, there is fortitude, there is steadfastness and strength. Faith bestows that sublime courage that rises superior to the troubles and disappointments of life, that is strong to endure, patient to wait, and energetic to struggle.
For four years, Papa fought a courageous battle. He never gave up without a fight. My precious Papa John passed away January 27, 2009 at the Veteran's Hospital in Cleveland. My grandfather was the strongest, most hard-working, and disciplined man I have ever known and will ever know. Papa was more than just a grandfather or a father—He was our life. Our family bond became so strong as we all experienced life’s hardships together. Seeing someone you love suffer is the hardest thing that anyone could ever go through. All you want to do is take away their pain. Papa endured more than what most people could handle in one lifetime, but his strength has been inspirational to not only my family and me, but to so many others as well.
Papa had been struggling and fighting for 4 years now. Four Christmases ago, he had a breathing attack and almost died on Christmas day, and that is when the doctors found the lung cancer. He then had his entire lung removed and endured radiation and chemotherapy. He suffered from a few strokes that impaired his speech and movement of his left side. Seizures then became another obstacle.This past September, they found a brain tumor, which turned out to be small cell brain cancer.
Papa also had aphasia, which is a disorder that affects a person's speech as a result from damage to various parts of the brain. Aphasia occurs suddenly often as a result from a stroke, but it may also develop slowly in the case of a brain tumor. In Papa's case, his aphasia was a result from both previous strokes and a brain tumor. Papa's speech was almost completely gone, but there was a time where he was still able to get certain sentences and phrases out. It was very frustrating for him at times not being able to say what was on his mind. For me and the family, it became very easy to read papa, and most of the time, we could just look at him and automatically know what he wanted. Every morning at 5 am, my dad would make Papa a whole pot of coffee, and by 7 am when my mom was ready for work, she would have to make a brand new pot! Then it was my turn to make more before I went to school. Papa would point towards the kitchen, and I knew he wanted more coffee. :) He loved his coffee! Most of our communication towards the end was through touch. Papa would squeeze my hand and smile, and I knew he was saying, "Tashie, I love you."
I remember being a little girl waiting for the bus in the morning, and I could see Papa sitting at the kitchen table in the same chair drinking his coffee. He would waive goodbye through the window each and every morning. Papa was infamous for his cooking. He’d always be preparing a beautiful meal for the family and would be the last one to eat. One things for sure—you always saw papa working whether it was mowing the grass, working in the garden, pulling weeds, picking up sticks, cooking, or preparing his hunting gear for the next morning. My sister loved to go hunting with papa, and it was a special memory that she will always have in her heart. One time, they went turkey hunting together, and papa whispered, “Look, there’s a deer!” Anastasia yelled, “Where Papa?”, and she only saw the tail of the deer as it took off running. Needless to say, she learned her first valuable hunting lesson that day.
Papa will always be remembered for his uplifting spirit, limitless strength, and his endless love for his family. If he taught me anything in life, it is that family is everything. Your life is what you make of it, and he always told my sister and me to live our lives for ourselves, our family, and those who love us. Time does not stop for anyone..the precious time we had with papa was a gift from God. My mother and father were both with him when he passed at the hospital. With papa’s hand in her palm, my mother whispered in his ear and said, “Daddy, you can close your eyes. You don’t have to fight anymore.” Ten minutes later, papa had closed his eyes and was with the angels in Heaven. He heard my mother’s word and wasn’t afraid anymore.
There is a new star in the heavens today and another angel watching over us. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying; neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."
There are times when I cry just thinking of all of the wonderful memories I had with papa and my family. I miss him so much, but I know that he is watching over me and is in a better place.
Someone once told me, "Did you know that concrete gets stronger over time as other materials diminish? Water seeps into it when wet and solidifies smaller particles more and more each time, forming a stronger bond. The hardships you and your family have endured have seeped into your foundation and strengthened it more every day. You may not realize it or feel it, but you are stronger than you were yesterday, and it will only continue."
Thinking of Papa gives me strength. When I feel weak, I close my eyes and think of him. I love you Papa, always and forever.
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Behind the scene photos...
After a very emotional and busy week, I am finally getting caught up! I've been meaning to write about my amazing photo shoot in Cincinnati! I had the best weekend with Melissa (my director) and her family. My dad drove me all the way to Cinci 5 hours away, worked a 14 hour day the next day, and then came back saturday to pick me up! What an awesome dad! It was quite a long drive, but it was so nice for us to spend time together. :) I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Deb Knoske, the photographer, for the first time. When Melissa and I arrived Saturday morning, we were escorted upstairs to Deb's studio. As soon as I walked in the studio, I felt like I was in New York! Deb had tons of outfits lined up for the shoot, and we were ready to get to work. This was my first photo shoot ever, and the best part was getting my hair and make up done. I got an extra hour of sleep because I didn't have to do my hair or make-up!
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